Ask Bacchus: What Are They Sayin'?

Civil discourse has taken a beating in the past year. People just say what's on their minds!

Judgy, judgy, judgy! LOL.

A website (to remain nameless) compiled a list of quotes that tell us what bartenders think about the beer you order and drink. Don't worry, no Bacchus bartender was included. We love all of our customers, but here's what some had to say about your choice of brew (and, if you didn't know, all tap beer is $2 on Tuesdays at Bacchus).

Keep in mind, this is all for fun. Please don't take anything personally (and, remember, no Bacchus bartender was asked to comment). Each quote is from a different person...

Blue Moon is craft beer for people who have never had a craft beer.”
“You’re a proud member of the citrus-in-beer club and your friends are forced to make an extra trip on your behalf, regularly.”
“You are a free spirit and probably think Burning Man is the coolest festival out there.”
“These people believe, mistakenly, that they have refined tastes.”

“If you bought Budweiser instead of another beer just because of the American flag cans, I respect that decision.”
“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
“No nonsense.”
“You own a truck! You are proud of that truck and why wouldn’t you be?”
“Budweiser may be a really basic beer, but people who drink it have hidden depths. They have feelings. They cried during that Clydesdale commercial.”
Bud Light is for people who just. don’t. care.”
“People who order Bud Light Lime enjoy salted soap water, but also want to watch their figure.”
“Bud Light Lime is used to cleanse the wounds you get from being made fun of for drinking it.”
“This is a garbage beer for garbage people.”

Coors drinkers ran out of Budweiser.”
“Drinking to drink.”
“You reach for a Coors as your safety net at a party full of people you don’t know.”
Coors Light is a good before-noon beer.”
“Coors Light is what people of the ‘beer before liquor’ genre drink.”
“You speak almost exclusively in emoticons.”

“When a lot of people say Corona, they usually precede it with the words ‘I don’t like beer, except for…’”
“They’re friendly and warm as a people. If they were a song they’d be Noah and the Whale’s ‘5 Years Time.’”
“People drink Corona everywhere, but all of them would rather be at the beach.”
“They’re the kind of people who wish for endless summers.”
“Corona drinkers have vocal fry.”
“They ‘like to party-y-y-y-y-y-y-y’ Bey style.”

“There are two types of people who like Guinness: people who know the history of the beer and will be quick to tell you that it’s actually really low in calories and good for you, and people who pass out in the street on Saint Patrick’s Day.”
“You like coffee — no, you LOVE coffee and all things heavy.”

Heineken is for people who are classy, but not really that interesting.”
“You are the kind of person who probably owns a sports car or wishes you owned one.”
“If you drink Heineken, you’re probably just a dad.”
“You are trying to be fancy.”
“It’s what you drink when you decide to go back to school and get another degree.”

Miller High Life isn’t really the ‘champagne of beers,’ the people who drink it aren’t ‘the champagne of people.’ But they know that, and are also in on the joke, so it’s OK.”
“Miller drinkers are prideful. They know they’re enjoying a low-tier beverage, but it’s the best of the worst.”
Miller Light = lightweight.”
“You love Wade Boggs.”
“Miller Light drinkers have no pretensions. Their beer choice is as timeless as the can it comes in.”

“If you are drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon you are either a hipster or a grandpa.”
“You are in a cool garage band. You drink PBR like you drink water. Because you are in a band.”
“You find PBR goes well with the artisanal pickles you’re making.”
“Poor adult.”
“Not always a hipster. Sometimes just practical…or a grandpa…”

“You tell people that Sam Adams is actually a really good beer and that everyone should be drinking it because it is made in ‘Merica!”
“You’re a pretty relaxed guy. You want a good beer, but don’t want to make a big fuss about it.”
“You enjoy the sidelines, in a good way…hanging back and watching a fight rather than joining in. Chill time!”

“Personally I drank Stella Artois because Stella commercials were genius. Not anymore. Also Artois is a fun word to say.”
“You appreciate the finer but cheaper things in life.”
“You like the idea of being classy, but you don’t want to alienate people.”

There! You've been silently judged by other bartenders in the world. Who cares! Vote, then Join us because we silently judge you FAVORABLY when you drink at Bacchus! Tap beer is only $2 at Bacchus today. You'll be glad you did.

Sure, we'll show the election returns, but keep your opinions monkey business or arguments, or we'll turn the channel to QVC! :-)