Cruising ≠ Flirting

Friday = $6 Absolut. DJ Matt at 10PM. Tomorrow = GEAR NIGHT at 9PM. Never a cover. Always fun.

For some locals, the visiting hottie is worthy of claiming. Like the seagulls in Finding Nemo, the shouts of "Mine!" are often humorous and ridiculous.

Why? Because many of these guys have already made connections to locals.

How? Well, they make their initial connections on Scruff, Grindr, Growlr, Jack'd, Hornet, Mr X, Adam4Adam, Daddyhunt or Gay.com. Most apps have a 'I'm traveling' feature, so the newbies are easy to spot.

Naughty Bacchus knows one guy, he lives in Waikiki over by the fountain at Kapiolani Park, he pounces as soon as he sees a visitor profile. His sexy smile and the pix of his smokin' hot bod lure the randy visitor to meet up with him. Of course the first meet up is in a neutral place, like Starbucks. (He avoids meeting up with the guy at Bacchus for the Nemo reason stated above.) Then, if things are all going well, there's a short walk back to his bedroom…

Success. We admire this guy for his eagerness to get what he wants. He's got a system down. He's successful at CRUISING for sex.

CRUISING is a behavior in which one’s main purpose in cozying up to someone is to have sex with him. FLIRTING, on the other hand, is a behavior or an ice-breaker toward meeting and getting to know someone for possible dating and companionship.

Because gay culture and gay bars (like Bacchus) tend to be highly sexualized environments, we should be mindful of the difference between flirting and cruising as you mingle with other men so you don’t send the wrong signals and sabotage your efforts.

CRUISING & FLIRTING are encouraged at Bacchus. Our GEAR PARTY is tomorrow at 9PM.

HERE'S MORE ADVICE ON FLIRTING:

You're at Bacchus and this sexy guy shows up. He's solo. It's clear from his fresh tan or sunburn, brand new pair of shorts or sandals, and general curiosity about the space—he's visiting.

He's across the crowded bar—the target of your interest. He’s dashingly handsome, but he's staring at his phone. The light from the screen reflects off his lips. Get his attention:

  • Don't use these lines: "You're so hot!" "What’s your sign?” “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before? You look so familiar!”
  • Don't say, "Scruff says you're minus eight inches away…"
  • Do say, "Hello, I'm (your name here). How're you doing?"

The best pick-up line is a friendly introduction.

Now your goal is to maintain the conversation through flirting:

  • Relax and listen.
  • Ask about his trip.
  • Ask about his drink.
  • Offer to get him a drink.

Does he reply openly by looking you in the eyes with warmth and coyly raise his eyebrows? Or does he look away and shift his eyes about? He could be interested but is just shy or nervous; on the other hand, he could also be looking for an escape hatch, so assess carefully.

Does he touch you occasionally, especially during a laugh? Give you compliments? Reciprocate dialogue? These are all good signs that he’s interested. Just be aware that there are cultural differences with body language that can mean different things depending on the guy you’re talking with. Too much touch could also convey sexual aggressiveness and poor boundaries, so be cautious and limited with this.

Effective flirting comes from having positive self-esteem and sophisticated social and communication skills. Be yourself and have fun with flirting, and be proactive with your desires.

Maybe you are Mr. Confidence or Mr. Calm Cool and Collected. Maybe you're just a browser or need a wingman. You could be Mr. Tease. We want you to get up your gumption.

Take the initiative and approach that guy on the other side of the room so you can make things happen!

JL