Flirty or Friendly — Who Decides?

TONIGHT AT BACCHUS: The Divas Arrive at 10PM. Video DJ Matt spins his special mix of Beyoncé, Mariah, Rihanna, Madonna, and more... NO COVER! Absolut, all flavors, just $6.


You spotted him when he walked in the door —

a handsome and sun-kissed 30-something with a tousled mop of hair on his head. You caught his eye and his stare lingered for a bit longer than expected. You overheard him order an Absolut Mandarin and soda with lime then studied him as he gave the bartender his card then turned around and grinned as he took his first sip.

You have to decide to be flirty or friendly.

Single guys have that luxury, but the guys who are partnered are faced with a dilemma:
Where do you draw the line with other men when you’re in a relationship?

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone you encountered respected the fact that you are in a relationship? Better yet, if you could completely write off or be cold to anyone hitting on you when you’re taken, without being viewed as a BITCH. Sometimes we don’t know when we’re being flirted with and have to be told like in this clip from Gayby. (Trivia buffs will want to know what the Human Torch says…). Click to play.

It’s no fun to sit in the corner while your single friends have all the fun.

We’re the last to tell you not to flirt, and advocate open relationships when they work and the couple communicates.

So, you’re forced to walk the fine line between being friendly, and being flirty. But where is that line? Well, if you’re doing any of these things, you’ve crossed it:

Accepting his phone number.
But you did allow the guy to take your phone and punch in his contact info, right in front of your eyes, knowing very well his intentions towards you are not platonic.

Sticking around when you’re being hit on.
You can’t help it if a man comes up and starts chatting with you. And you can’t help it if he takes the conversation to an inappropriate level, whispering things in your ear, putting his hand on your knee, saying he’d like to take you home, etc.

Getting touchy-feely.
You of course have male friends who you hug, who give you a big brother type kiss on the forehead, or who you even playfully hold hands with as you skip down the street to go to lunch. But those are your established friends. The type of relationship—platonic—has been established. So none of that touching can be misconstrued. But when you’re out at Bacchus, appearing to be single, and talking to other men, those men will construe any touching as flirtatious.

Not telling that you’re in a relationship.
There’s only one reason you wouldn’t tell a man who is hitting on you that you’re taken: because you don’t want him to adjust his behavior once given that information. You want him to believe you are single. It is your responsibility to tell a man you are taken. And if you don’t, it’s because you want that attention.

“I’ll keep you in mind for when I’m single…”
Again, this implies that your relationship is fragile since you’re even considering its expiration date, and it is emotional cheating because you’re letting someone know you desire him. If you’re already lining up your future prospects, you’re not really committed to your current relationship.

Honesty is the best policy - with your boyfriend/partner/lover AND the guys you’re flirting with.

Come to Bacchus and flirt. HONESTLY, where else can you have enjoy booze, music and fun on a weekend in Waikiki?

Join us tomorrow between 12-5PM for St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans. Wear green, order a pint of Killian’s Red and get a raffle ticket for a free I heart Bacchus tshirt! :-)

JL